I’m lazy…….Kelly’s the author of this one….

“What you’re doing is illegal.”

by Kelly Kent

During our latest trip to New York, a quote from the hilarious film Weekend at Bernie’s sprung to my mind on multiple occasions: “What you’re doing is illegal.” As if the main characters did not realize their actions were illegal, an overly-tanned, obnoxious yacht owner reprimanded Richard and Larry’s actions with this ridiculous phrase in the movie.

Upon arrival to Newark, New Jersey, we rented a car and drove three hours to Pennsylvania. Jenny’s iPhone was very helpful in safely directing us to our final destination. It's GPS system and internet access is amazing! We only managed to break a few traffic laws; multiple one-way streets were driven down in the wrong direction. Good thing we were only in Scranton! Upon arrival to our hotel in Scranton, Pennsylvania, the hotel manager gave Jenny a red rose and wished her a Happy Mother’s Day. Jenny quickly said that we were sisters and only eight years separated us. It should be illegal to give birth at age eight! I ended up with the flower and can add it to my ever growing list of roses from strangers!

One can guess why we went to Scranton, Pennsylvania, but you may be absolutely dead-wrong. The television show, The Office, takes place in Scranton, but is filmed in Los Angeles. We drove on Mulberry Street and past Poor Richard’s Pub in order to reach our reason for visiting Scranton: going to cemeteries.

In order to become a Daughter of the America Revolution (DAR), Jenny needed to find some of our ancestors’ graves for documentation. My sixth great-grandfather served in the America Revolution: Samuel Breese. While Jenny searched through hilly, old graveyards, I studied hundreds of exercisers walking through the cemeteries and read Mr. Darcy's Diary. Apparently, The Office’s depiction of Scranton being a bland area is not an exaggeration. You really can take an underground ride in an elevator down to a coal mine, like when Michael Scott tried to facilitate a surprise for the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin. It was not quite the “freefall” Michael had imagined.

We discovered two of our relatives married into the Tripp family, a famous family in Scranton, and were originally buried at the Tripp House. The Tripp House, built in 1771, still stands and is the oldest building in the Scranton. In the 1800s when the house was turned over to the historic society, our relatives were reburied in the cemetery. After visiting the Tripp House, we quickly discovered there was not much to do in Scranton, so we went to the movies! No complaints were heard from me as we went to a late showing (7 p.m.) of 17 Again. I was laughing hysterically while the three other audience members (Jenny and two other women) wondered about my mental capacity.

Jenny witnessed an illegal incident in a one of the cemeteries. A man apologized for his dog taking a bowel movement on someone's grave, but did not remove the remains. If that is not illegal in Pennsylvania, it should be! (Three words: Roy D. Mercer!) We ate breakfast at Glider’s, a local diner, which was made famous when President Obama and Vice President Biden had breakfast with everyday working-class individuals. Our meal was very good. The bacon was thick! A local informed us that Scranton claims more connection to Hillary Clinton than to Vice President Joe Biden. Hillary Clinton’s relatives are buried in Scranton, while Joe Biden only lived in Scranton for 10 years.

We’re on the move…

We reached Elmira, New York, and went straight to the Woodlawn Cemetery in search of our ancestors’ graves, the LaFrances. After 45 minutes of searching through a huge cemetery, we found the graves we were looking for. Fairly close to Mark Twain’s grave, rests Truckson Slocum LaFrance, the inventor of the LaFrance fire engine, and his family. Truckson’s son, Frederick LaFrance, a local florist, was also buried there. We put some family history puzzle pieces together as we drove to their homes in Elmira. Truckson’s home no longer existed. Only a few miles away from Truckson's home was, we saw where Frederick’s home was located. We don't know if the house currently there was originally Frederick's home or not.

Interesting fact: Eleanor LaFrance Redman, my mother's grandmother, was born in her grandfather's home, Truckson LaFrance.

Luckily for us, the public library did not close until nine o'clock. We encountered an illegal, maybe not illegal but really stupid, pickup line at the two-story Elmira Public Library. Jenny and I were on two different stories, and were hit on by the same man using the exact same pickup line: “Are you from Hollywood? ‘Cause you look famous.”

Visiting Elmira’s local museum was uneventful and unfruitful. There was approximately one paragraph on the LaFrance fire engine with an original picture. We had to take a picture. I hope that was not illegal!

We’re on the move… and none of the gas stations sell fountain drinks!! That should be illegal!

Stamford, Connecticut was our next destination. We went out to dinner with my Grandma Whittleton’s twin sister, Jackie, her son, Layne, and his wife, Sonhild at Harris’ Fish Market. After I finished my Costa Rican mahi-mahi and unseasoned clam chowder, we drove to Layne’s home for more conversation. Topics of discussion included: elephants, politics, triplets, snails, feet, and GPS devices.

The next day we drove back to Newark, New Jersey where we returned our rental car. We will never forget our 2009 ride into New York City! Mohammed asked Jenny to sit up front with him, in his Lincoln Navigator, as we drove us to the Grand Hyatt. Jenny mistakenly did not question Mohammed as to why. He certainly made it very obvious as to why he asked Jenny to sit beside him. Poor Jenny was gawked at, sexually harassed, and then asked out to dinner by Mohammed. When asked if he had any children he said, “Not that I am aware of.” Talk about creepy!! We always seem to find interesting characters to drive us into New York City. We thought the last guy was unusual because he did not have a legitimate business. On the other hand, Mohammed’s business was legitimate!

Michael Scott described New York City as “Scranton on acid. No, on speed. No, on steroids.” Well, I would not use any of those idiotic comparisons when analyzing the two cities. Action-packed New York City is filled with Broadway shows, museums, historical sites, restaurants, and Central Park. Driving backwards down a one-way street is the only action you will find in Scranton.

We saw four musicals in three days: Rock of Ages, Mary Poppins, The Little Mermaid, and South Pacific. All four were new to us, so we were wide awake during all of them (well, except for maybe Jenny in The Little Mermaid). Jenny was grateful that I picked Rock of Ages and thus I could not blame her for taking me to an inappropriate musical. Thankfully, I think my naïveté prevented my understanding of some of the jokes. HA HA! Rock of Ages storyline is not complex. It is 1986 in Hollywood, California. Small-town girl, Sherry goes to Hollywood to become famous but ends up working at a gentlemen’s club. Drew, played by Constantine Maroulis from American Idol (otherwise known as the guy with smoldering eyes), is the main character who is also trying to become famous. The story is cleverly written with famous 80’s music from Guns and Roses, Journey, Twisted Sister, Styx, REO Speedwagon, Pat Benatar, and Foreigner. Jenny had a great time reminiscing junior high, while listening to the great collection of songs!

Mary Poppins was my favorite performance to watch! The staging was incredible in this classic story. Some of the characters were a little different compared to the film, but overall they were the same. Joe will be happy to know that one of the maids said the movie quote: “Don’t stumble on the way out, deary.” Some of the new songs included: “Practically Perfect,” “Temper, Temper,” and for all those feminists, “Being Mrs. Banks.” My favorite part was when Bert sang “Jolly Holiday” during their walk in the chalk painting. The costumes were amazing during this scene! Instead of dancing penguins seen in the film, mythology statues come alive in the play version. The “Step in Time” performance was my second favorite. Bert sang and danced upside down! The scene with “Let’s Go Fly a Kite” should receive honorable mention. The entire scene where Mary sang “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” was pretty absurd. The Banks and Mary visit a jive scrabble party. I think the writers were more concerned with political correctness than that fact that it took place in London at the turn of the last century! I’ve heard of this play described as “cool.” I would say that that adjective perfectly describes Mary Poppins!

The Little Mermaid was very entertaining. The costumes were extraordinary during the underwater scenes! The mermaids wear scales with wheelies so they can glide across stage. The actress playing Ariel was making her debut to Broadway. Her voice was so beautiful even when she was a mute! There are a few new songs when Ariel becomes human. Obviously, nobody can hear them except for the audience! Prince Eric actually sings in the Broadway production. He shows that he can do something other than pursue females. My favorite part was when Sebastian sang “Kiss the Girl.” So cute!!

South Pacific was Jenny's favorite performance! We both were strangely not familiar with South Pacific’s storyline. My favorite scene was when Nellie sang “I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair.” The shower on the stage was amazing during this scene! It was hilarious when the military men sang “There is Nothin’ Like a Dame.” HA HA! I enjoyed the “Sexy Lieutenant’s” husky voice. It reminded me of the actor Wentworth Miller. I am usually quite the romantic, but I had a very cynical attitude concerning Cable’s song “Younger Than Springtime.” See me for my sarcastic commentary. I did, however, appreciate the romance between Nellie and the Frenchie. “Some Enchanted Evening” is a beautiful song! Interesting fact: The New York City temple is located across the street from the Lincoln Center, which was where South Pacific was showing.

After waiting for 20 minutes for old books and receiving a New York City Public Library card, Jenny was ready to cause bodily harm to me at the library. We handled copies of Pride & Prejudice from the 1800s. It was well worth the wait!

People sunbathed while we took a stroll through Central Park. I'm sure the reason that we didn't see any nudists sunbathing in Central Park was because it is illegal. If we would have gone to the AIDS marathon that weekend, we would have seen some nudists running. If only Jenny was willing!

On a beautiful day, we viewed New York City from the 70th floor of the Rockefeller Building. The “Top of the Rock” is quite spacious compared to the Empire State Building. Before enjoying views of Central Park and Midtown, we watched a movie about the Rockettes. I found it fascinating that the dancers comprising the Rockettes are women who are normally stay-at-home-moms, students, and teachers. The Rockettes lead normal lives until they gather for the annual Christmas show.

Layne, Kim, and Ray drove us to the cemetery where my great-grandparents (the Lehns) were buried. We planted Layne's birthday present in the family urn. Interesting facts: 1) Layne was named after his mother’s maiden name, but she chose to spell it differently so everyone would pronounce it correctly. 2) John D. Rockefeller taught Herman Lehn’s Sunday school class.

After we paid, what should be, an illegal amount for a buffet breakfast at the Hyatt, we headed to the Tribute to the World Trade Center Visitor Center. It was a very touching and powerful memorial with first- hand accounts, a missing person’s wall, artifacts from the aftermath, and a tribute wall where you can share your feelings. Walking through the hallway was special because on the ceiling hung origami sent by Japanese children to America after September 11th.

As always, I'd like to conclude by thanking everyone who made this trip a success! Jenny you are amazing. It's almost illegal to have such a great sister. Love ya!